100 mi Wilderness FKT Attempt

Although I was technically alone in the woods, this was not a solo effort and I am so thankful to have such incredible friends and family in my life. Thank you.

I read in a book a while back something along the lines of “you aren’t pushing yourself enough if you don’t fail”. As I shared earlier, in attempting this I wanted to see what I could do, and I knew full well that I might fail. I talked with a couple people who had attempted it before and I kept asking them, what are miles 40-100 like emotionally/mentally/physically?? I had never hiked/run more than 36mi in a day so those were the ones I couldn’t prepare for with personal experience. The funny thing is, that was a silly question to ask. I thought by hearing what they went through I would know what to expect but that is just not possible. I had to do it myself to see how I responded and to see where my mind went when it was 2am and there were wolves howling around me. It may be the same trail, but the experience will always be different for each person.

I drove up to Monson the night before and stayed at a hiker hostel - the same one I had stayed at the first time I hiked this section in 2017 with my parents and then again in 2018 when I was 115 miles from finishing my thru hike. I sat outside at a picnic table and ate a delicious dinner my sister had packed for me. I talked with a thru-hiker for a while who offered me some glucosamine pills, which I politely turned down, but the gesture was very kind. 

After dinner I went to my room to do some final organization, visualization, and stretching. I checked all my batteries (headlamps, watch, battery pack, gps SPOT beacon) and then plugged them in again for the night just to be sure they were 100% come morning. I looked at the weather and made a last minute decision to switch out my windbreaker for a puffy which was a key move. Once in bed, I pulled out my paper map and began going through the entire trail in my head. The first half of the trail was dedicated to its beauty and ability to always throw a challenge at me, and the second half was dedicated to my body. 

I woke up at 4:30 after a horrible night's sleep but it didn’t matter because I was very excited. I put on my lucky underwear, lime green spandex shorts (decidedly the best ones for chafing) , loose ish sports bra, and black disgusting t-shirt I wore for the entire AT. I have plenty of better smelling shirts but something about this one felt lucky. I think also the fact that it was so worn down I thought it would be good for chafing! I have never really had a problem with chafing but have heard some horror stories so along with my careful clothing selection, I also took “squirrel nut butter” as a precaution.

I used a permanent marker and wrote CRFM (constant relentless forward motion) on my leg because unlike other races or games I have competed in, I was out there alone and knew if my brain got too tired and I couldn’t think of ways to motivate myself, at least hopefully seeing big letters on my leg would help! I also had a list on my phone of all the things I could do if I started to feel low - watch videos my friends had recorded for me, listen to playlists, eat salt and vinegar chips or PB cups, touch some moss, think of my teammates alongside me, appreciate the beauty around me, splash water on my face, swish mouthwash, etc.

At 5:27am, I started my watch and gps tracker and took a picture of myself at the sign. I took a deep breath and started. It was a perfectly dull start. 

The first few miles were in the dark and I switched back and forth from running to power hiking depending on the terrain (picture lots of slippery roots and wobbly rocks). I had decided that I would hike all uphills because it was a waste of energy to push myself on those and only gain an extra minute when I could put out the same amount of energy on a flat or downhill and gain a lot more time.

Around mile 18 was my first real climb and it definitely made me question what I was doing. 10 minutes into it my legs were burning. Some people benefit from rests but I know personally I don’t and so I slowed my pace a bit to keep my breathing steady without stopping. I tried to focus on the scenery around me and forget about how much more I had to go. The moss in this section is magical - its like you are in a fairytale emerald forest. The last two times I had hiked the 100mi Wilderness, this was about where my first day ended. It was funny to think that in the back of my mind and also know it was only the beginning this time.

I made it through the first 20 miles with no caffeine. I knew once I started, I would need a constant drip for the remainder of the run. My goal was also to see how long I could go without it because in the long run I knew caffeine would help but also steal future energy from 4am Chloë who needed it a lot more. Have you ever heard that thing about how mice and elephants basically have the same number of heartbeats in a lifetime but a mouse uses them faster?? That is what I had in mind. 

I have so many positive memories on this trail that kept me going through that first mountain range (Chairbacks). On each peak I thought to myself, do I even have the energy to get up the next one?? And then I did. I had never gone this far before though so why did I automatically assume it wouldn’t go well? I kept surprising myself with my ability to keep a good pace. The Chairback Range is deceitful in the number of climbs. I kept thinking I was at the top of something and then it dipped and kept going. The funny thing is I knew it wasn’t the case because i have hiked it so many times, I know those peaks, but still part of me was hopeful that my internal map was wrong!

Throughout the day/night, I did something I don’t usually do which was to not look at any signs or my map. I was going to hike till the end so it didn’t matter how far I had to go or what was ahead because I was going to do it and honestly would rather not know. Ignorance is bliss. It turned out to be a pretty great mindset for staying positive. I looked forward to the mountains and lakes ahead instead of thinking of them in terms of miles. I decided to focus on the positives and ignore what I couldn’t control.

I don’t know exactly when but sometime in the afternoon I completed my first marathon of the adventure. I was feeling mentally good but still no idea how my legs would hold up. In the back of my head, I knew with something this big I was definitely going to face some challenges. I was honestly a bit scared by how well it was going and how good I felt. The question in a 100mi attempt is less “if” something will go bad and more “when” will it happen? 

As I was crossing the pleasant river I felt a little low knowing what was ahead - a LOT of climbing. Just as I was taking my shoes off (I know kinda risky doing it barefoot but I didn’t want wet shoes!), I met two older gentlemen who were on their third day into the 100mi and they were a bit confused by my tiny running vest. Once I explained what I was doing, they were super encouraging and that energy fueled some miles! It is amazing how a 2 minute encounter completely changed where I was mentally! Instead of feeling mehh about the upcoming climb, I felt like “yeah, I am doing something pretty awesome!”. It was a really nice reminder :)

This positivity lasted for a couple miles until around mi 32 when my stomach started having a rough time. I had hiked plenty of days this long but for some reason my body wasn’t having it today. I think the jostling of running was impacting it a bit. I had sweat so much salt you could see it all over my black shirt and when I touched my face, it felt like fine sandpaper. My biggest regret: not bringing instant powdered mashed potatoes. I convinced myself against it last minute but looking back it would have been perfect. All I wanted was salty food and my sweet bars and gels were going down, but in the most uncomfortable and unappetizing way. I was forcing myself to keep eating because I knew if I didn’t things could get dangerously bad quickly. It was crazy enough to be in the middle of the wilderness with no cell service, no shelter, and only enough clothes to keep me warm while moving (not stopped) that I definitely didn’t want to have a medical emergency! I brought a bag of salt and vinegar chips (thank goodness) and would eat a handful and then sneak a couple bites of my bar down with it. Ugh. I knew I needed to keep eating and I was determined to not let nutrition be my downfall. I popped a couple mint Tums and reveled in the cool feeling as I breathed in through my mouth.

I reached the top of Whitecap just in time for sunset and although my legs were tired on the climb, I was feeling a lot better than expected. At this point I had hiked/run 39mi which was the most I have ever done in one day in my entire life. I had also just finished the biggest climbs and only had a couple smaller ones to go. The sunset was spectacular and I reminded myself of all my Rising teammates who were pushing themselves alongside me (they had compiled a spreadsheet of all the hours I would be out there and who would be “with me” pushing themselves for each hour). I expected to need some motivation after all that climbing but surprisingly the sunset and excitement for the night ahead was enough to keep my pace going,.

I got down to a campsite where hikers were already sound asleep in their tents, filled up my water, put on my headlamp, and headed into the darkness. I had one more climb before some nice flat (and roots) and I was feeling overall positive. It was exhilarating to know what I had already accomplished and what I was capable of going into the night. My body had already surprised me throughout the day and I began to stop questioning if I COULD do this and instead felt the confidence that I would.

As I continued the very long descent from Whitecap, I remembered reading a hiker blog about two dalmatian statues that were on some boulder during this descent. By chance, I looked up and they were right there at that moment. I half wonder if I saw them, had the thought, and then looked up without realizing it. I had been physically moving as fast as I could for the past 15 hours so it was about time my mind started doing weird things. They probably were cute in the light but at night alone in the dark they were CREEPY.

The climb up little Boardman was not bad at all. The temp was perfect and the focus that I got from having darkness all around me was actually pretty energizing! I also think not being able to see the climbing ahead was helpful mentally; all I saw was what my headlamp was shining on directly in front of me. I knew it was key to stay alert in the dark and not succumb to what my mind kept reminding me I “should” being doing - sleeping. I kept my light bright and detached from time. 

It started getting COLD and although I hadn’t used my phone much, the battery was struggling so I put it in my sports bra. I needed to keep it alive. My goal was to go as long as possible not listening to anything because I knew if I could get lost in my thoughts, the time would go more quickly. Around 2am though, I heard a pack of wolves howling in the distance, and a little bit later I heard them again but this time closer. I wanted to be as aware of my surroundings as possible for safety reasons while also not getting in my head so after a few miles at a nervously quick pace, I put in one headphone and began listening to one of my playlists.

I find listening to something can give energy but at the same time take energy and after 22 hours of constant movement and serious focus on the rocks and roots under me, my brain needed a pause. I also made the excuse to myself that my headlamp needed to charge for a minute because the cold was draining the battery - this was true but I had a second one with me just in case and could have definitely gotten by. I found a spot on the trail with some soft pine needles, plugged in my headlamp to charge, got out my emergency blanket (one of those tin foil looking things), and set my alarm for 10 minutes. I curled up and closed my eyes. I don’t think I actually fell asleep but at 7min in I had this jolting thought that I needed to keep moving. I mixed some cold water with an instant coffee packet and proceeded to spill it all over myself while trying to drink. I knew things were getting a liiiitle weird so I figured good to just keep moving, eating, and drinking and I would make it through the night.

In the wee hours of the night around mi 58, my hip flexor started hurting. This didn’t surprise me and actually I was expecting something like this earlier. I knew in attempting something this big I would face some serious pain. I thought it was normal and I was going to just push through the pain but by the time I reached mi67 I couldn’t even lift my leg (I literally lifted it with my arms to step up onto rocks). I began tripping on things and every step was an excruciating shuffle.  I had a little pity party and cried for a couple miles until I realized how stupid I was to be wasting precious salt water. I went at a snail’s pace for 10 more miles (listened to the very sweet videos and recordings from friends 💛) and then got off at mi 79. It wasn’t what I wanted but I do find some comfort in knowing there was no way I could keep going. My hip flexor was utterly useless.

Leading up to this adventure, I did my research. I read books, planned my mental strategy, prepared for those “worst case” scenarios, and much more. I was prepared for the exhaustion, sleep deprivation, hallucinations, pain, etc. What I was not prepared for was losing function in my leg and feeling that although I had more to give and much more fight in me, I just couldn’t do it. That was pretty frustrating. 

It was going so well and I am trying to remind myself that 79 miles is still a big thing. I am really proud of how I was able to stay focused and positive throughout it. From hearing about other people’s attempts, I kept expecting to hit the lows at the places they described. I had a few minor moments, but nothing I couldn’t shake off. I am so amazed by what the body can do if the mind lets it. If you asked me three years ago if I could run 20mi I would have said no way, but I HAD NEVER TRIED so who was I to say that?? This adventure was incredible and although I am feeling all sorts of emotions and disappointment with the ending, I also feel very proud of what I did accomplish and what I now know I can accomplish. I know I can hike/run 100mi and I didn’t know that until I attempted this. Although in a sense I “failed” I don’t feel that way. I feel so much more confidence in what I can do.

If I hadn’t attempted this, I would believe the farthest I can move my body in a day is 36mi and that just isn’t true. We are all capable of so much more than we realize. 

Thank you again for all your love and support in this.